Apologies to the Librarian

Dear Librarian,

Allow me to explain why all of the pages of the library book are stuck together. You see, my son wanted eggs.

Actually, I’ll start from the beginning. As my wife and daughter napped in another room, I was left to supervise my son in the living room. He was enjoying the books he borrowed from the library while I watched sports on television.

Then, nature called and I had to excuse myself for a minute. Literally, like a minute. Unfortunately, this was more than enough time for my son to use your library book as part of an omelette.

My son, looking around and seeing me nowhere, took it upon himself to make himself a meal. He’s independent like that. He went into the kitchen, looked around a bit, and figured that he wanted “eggies”. It’s one of his favorite meals.

He took the carton of eggs into the living room. Sitting on the ground, surrounded by your lovely library books, my son began cracking eggs. Oh, not just breaking on the ground, but smearing the yoke along the covers and binding of your books.

By the time I came back to the living room, he had already served himself two scrambled eggs. Not cooked, but merely yoked on the the books. We cleaned up (well, I cleaned as my son watched. It’s a thing in my house that the person who cooks doesn’t have to clean-up afterwards).

Anyways, the next day, I was unaware that egg had made its way into the book. I made that discovery as I tried to open the book and the pages refused open and, instead, I heard the painful, teeth-grinding sound of pages ripping as I tried to separate them.

I write this letter preemptively, as I talk with my wife about how to explain how egg yolk made it’s way inside the book. You see, since there’s no more newspapers, my son wanted to have your library book with breakfast. He’s wise beyond his years.



P.S. I can pay.


One thought on “Apologies to the Librarian

  1. Goodness me!! I love it! That scene that you were explaining is so vivid. I have no kid of my own, but I had a bunch of children in school. you see. I am a teacher. But to be honest, that totally shows how you raise your children in a educational environment. At least they are reading books. Or else you are writing apologies to Genius Bar Staff in Apple


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